What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
