she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
