A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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