Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
