dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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