I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
