Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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