just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
