Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
