Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
