Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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