I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
