I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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