She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
