I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
whose parrot is this?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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