My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
