i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
