i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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