Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
