If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
