Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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