Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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