i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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