You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
