my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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