I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
