Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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