oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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