I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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