i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
