i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
