I hope mine doesn't look like that
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
