yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
