isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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