I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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