Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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