Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
