if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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