Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
