she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
