why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
