I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
