Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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