I got chris browned last night
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
