Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
