Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
