I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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