You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
and eventually we just all took our pants off
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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