Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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