just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
